Updates on the Optimism.

I haven’t blogged for over a month, which is stupid really as I love blogging. My “Real Life” blog ie the blog most real life people know about is full of posts, mainly me moaning but still it’s full of posts. I have been avoiding blogging as I took a bit of a knock. Even being pessimistic didn’t prepare me. Regular readers (of my two post backlog) will know my OH & I were due to take a pregnancy test in November. It is is now January 2014. I think that combined with the fact I have said I took a bit of a knock means you can probably guess what happened. You’d be wrong though, well right in some aspects as we are not having a baby, but wrong in thinking I wasn’t pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test (HPT) a few days before I was supposed to.

It was a big fat negative (BFN) but I decided to be an optimist for once, so I put it down to it being taken few days early. Test day came and neither my OH or I could wait until a more suitable time so at 6AM when we got woken up by next door’s rooster (don’t ask) we rushed to the toilet in the same manner we would rush downstairs on Christmas Day as kids. After waiting the excruciating 5 minutes we looked at the test. It was another big fat negative. I cried. I threw the test across the bathroom and screamed at E for getting my hopes up. It was an unfair way to act and not a nice scene especially as E was just as upset. After a hug and feeling sorry for ourselves we went downstairs had a big fry up deciding we had lots of acts of trying to look forward so we needn’t be upset, it was only our first official month of trying after all. About a week later I was tired, still throwing up, getting pains in my side/back, my boobs were sore and food smelt horrid, so I went to see my GP. After a few tests and an emergency referral they found that I was pregnant….just in the wrong place. I had an ectopic pregnancy. They had caught it before my Fallopian tube ruptured so I was lucky. The Doctor and I talked about what treatment I wanted to go for, the quick keyhole surgery, taking medication or to see if the pregnancy “resolves itself”. The rest of the week is pretty much a blur. I know I went back for blood tests etc and we were told not to have unprotected sex again until January to give my body time to rest but that’s about it.

Then 2 weeks after all this I had a 5 Day Ambulatory EEG! I’ve had a 2 day Ambulatory EEG before but this was a whole new experience. Seriously I thought that was annoying enough with the wires and the head box pouch on the belt that just seem to get in the way no matter where you push it round too. I knew nothing until I had to suffer with it for 4 nights, 5 days and daily visits to get data downloaded. My head/shoulders were itchy, my hair was ruined by the glue they used on the electrodes then again by the pure acetone they used to get the damn things off and longed for a shower. Let me tell you there will never be a shower as satisfying as the one I had the day it came off! The results take 3 weeks to get to my Neurologist (including Christmas will probably be 4) then I won’t see him until February. I don’t think they will see anything significant on it, even with my brain breaking the head box data collector thing as it gave off too much electricity. Though saying that I didn’t think they’d get anything from my 2 Day Ambulatory EEG as I didn’t have a Tonic Clonic during that either but apparently the results from that were “very interesting” so who knows.

After that it was time for Christmas. We had a fairly quiet Christmas surrounded by our lovely family, who knew nothing but were curious as to why I kept crying over things. Our stock response was “Oh she’s/I’m just overwhelmed by how lovely it is having family around, seeing people don’t get to see often and our thoughtful gifts” which seemed to satisfy their curiosity. I’m not even sure I could pin point as to why I was crying so much. It was lovely having family around and at a time following a month of hardship it was probably sheer relief being able to relax.

So yes that is what is what has been going on here. Heavy stuff, I hadn’t quite got my head around.
I won’t leave it so long between blogging next time. I’m not even sure this is that coherent but that’s my brain for you.

Tweet/Blog ya soon x

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