Sex & Trying To Conceive.

Yes this a post about sex. Yes it will mention orgasms. No complaints about it please. This is about trying to conceive so you’re lucky I haven’t mentioned vaginal mucus as much as I could have in other posts! Anyway, sex. It’s easy when trying to conceive to forget about sex. Yes, I realise that sex is an integral part of the whole baby making process but it’s still something I’ve found to be neglected.

When one is trying to conceive having sex seems to become more about what positions are better for conception and regimentally timetabling when to do it. I’ve even come across some women forbidding their OH’s from masturbating so that they can have every last bit of sperm. There were also women on the same forum saying that they told their OH’s to masturbate regularly so that the “supply of sperm was fresh and thus the very best”. I’m not meaning to judge or criticise these women as I know when you want a baby you will try pretty much anything to make it happen. On a natural level this is using sex for it’s primary function, ie reproduction. Making little humans to populate the earth with. It just seems a shame to me that sex turns so mechanical when trying to conceive. Yes, this a generalisation but allow me it please. Humans are supposedly one of the only animals who have sex for pleasure. The act of having a child with your partner is born (pardon the pun) of love and passion. So why when trying to conceive does this passion and love seem to get lost along the way? Having a child with the person you love most in the world is beautiful. Be it man & woman, woman & woman, man & man, having a child together is a loving and passionate thing. I am focussing more on man and woman as this is what my experience is, but I just wanted to sneak in that whatever your gender or sexuality having a child with your partner is a wonderful!

I recently realised that I am guilty of turning sex into an act. My mind saw sex as something that has to be done so that we can have a baby. This is the last thing many of my friends would say would happen me as they all know how much I like sex. I hold my hands up, I really enjoy having sex. In the past I have dated men and women, sex was just a fun thing to do and a way to have an orgasm without a little mechanical help. That was before my OH and I started dating. This was when I discovered sex could be fun but also full of passion and loving. My OH has not been with as many people as I have but he taught me more about sex than anyone else. To learn that I had forgotten all of this made me feel awful. I felt like I had taken something passionate and integral to our relationship only to destroy it. No wonder my OH was wrestling with our decision to try for a baby. Our life has been taken over by it all. What with my Epilepsy medication worries, me having PCOS tests, false alarms, lack of support, getting upset when people we know have kids by accident and getting angry at people with kids who don’t appreciate what they have, everything seems to come back to babies and children. On top of that to have something so personal affected and go from being passionate to regimented, just isn’t fair. To my OH and to me.

With that in mind for the past few weeks I’ve put the trying to conceive and ovulation talk to one side. Ok so it has popped up every now and then but overall I’ve talked about it all a lot less. It’s made a huge difference. Our sex life is back to where it was before we started this journey, in fact it’s a lot more passionate and frequent! My OH is happier and so am I. Not just because of the amazing orgasms we are having but because it feels like we are back to being us. The giggly, nerdy, silly, food loving, cuddle enthusiastic, us. That annoyingly perfect couple…..yes, that was an attempt at humour! So if you’re feeling things are in a bit of rut I wholeheartedly recommend throwing those ovulation calculations to one side, forget measuring your body temperature, crack open a bottle of wine (or whatever your tipple of choice may be) and enjoy each other. It’s very worth it!

Blog/Tweet soon x

Please do feel free to comment on here or tweet me (@HopeEpiMum)


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