It’s been yet another month without a posting, I’m sorry to you dear reader, waiting for my gyno results was creating writers blocks, then when my appointment came and I did get my results back I couldn’t find the words to write. Damned either way with the inability to express myself! My Epilepsy hasn’t enjoyed the waiting game either with the added stress causing seizures and memory loss. Anyway I’ve had my test results back, as the inventive blog title suggests. I think this will be a very matter a fact blog post. Just get the results out there, acknowledge them in writing and then do another post about how I feel. Maybe. I’m rambling now. I don’t know where this post will go. So read if you dare, ok maybe not dare just be prepared for bad news, self pity and maybe more ramblings.
My follow up appointment was last Monday, my fiancé had to work so my dad drove me to the hospital. As per usual we were on time but the clinic itself was not, making me increasingly nervous and uncomfortable every minute that ticked by, especially as I was surrounded by pregnant women. That’s a special kind of torture in my mind, putting the fertility challenged women in with the belly rubbing lucky pregnant women. I eventually got called in to see the consultant and made my way down a corridor that seemed to go on forever! Once my doctor jumped straight in.
The internal ultrasound and blood tests all confirmed that I do have Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome i.e. PCOS, which I had already made my peace with. The news I wasn’t looking forward to was what that meant for me conception wise. It transpired that I have really quite severe PCOS and I am unable to ovulating as my ovaries are covered in so many cysts that are blocking eggs from being released. The consultant then moved on to what my options are or rather what my option is. In Vitro fertilisation i.e. IVF. It took me a few days to process this information. I had been hoping that my PCOS would be less severe and that I would be able to take fertility medication to help us with trying to conceive. Instead I am trying to get my head around being told that there is no way I can get pregnant without IVF. I was also told that although I am young that unless I got my BMI to 28 or under I wouldn’t be able to have IVF on the NHS and it would cost us £40,000 to do it privately, which I know we could never afford!
There was a catch to this IVF news. I can’t get referred straight on to an IVF waiting list. No, first my OH and I must have more fertility tests to see if we are indeed eligible candidates for this process. The words the consultant actually used were “first we must see IF we can help you by doing more tests as this may be your only option but there is no guarantee we can actually help you”. Meaning my fiancé has to give a semen sample so the mobility, fertility rate and general quality of his sperm can be tested. In all honesty he is really nervous about this, he doesn’t want anything else to get in the way of us having children or have the news that his swimmers aren’t up to scratch and be the reason we can’t go through IVF. He doesn’t have long to wait though as it’s due next Monday, plus he may feel pressure but at the end of the day least he gets an orgasm out of it! Yes I’m deflecting with humour, it stops me from crying. I on the other hand have to have dye inserted into my tubes and cervix so they can x-rayed. This is so the doctors can see if I have any other blockages or indeed structural problems. I was warned by the nurse that it would be painful and my stomach would have cramps in it for a few days after. I don’t know when this x-Ray will be done, hopefully the start of July depending on when my next period comes as it’s another of those tests that needs to be done at a particular time of your cycle. We also aren’t allowed to have sex for 5 days before my fiancé’s test so they can have a good quantity to test and for the 15 days around my period so that there is no chance of me being pregnant. Hah like that would happen! So now I’m cursed to be emotional, overwhelmed and horny, what I life I live!
We get the results of these tests on the 4th August. So until then it’s more waiting. Waiting to see if we can have IVF. Waiting to see if we can have the opportunity to try to have our own biological child. This waiting stuff is hard. It’s all really hard. I feel like I can’t even look into other things as a backup plan until we know. All I do know is that we are spending the rest of this year getting fit and healthy or as my mum calls it “Getting Pregnancy Fit”. The 4th August is less than 2 months away, even if the results of these tests aren’t what we want then least we will be fit & healthy. That could work in our favour for adoption or fostering. Though this could be my new thing to obsess over. Who knows? I know that are worse things to be focussed on, like how scared I am about potentially going through IVF whilst living with uncontrolled Epilepsy. What happens if I have a seizure? Can an IVF cycle fail due to a seizure?
How have you coped with the waiting? Or the news about needing IVF to have children? Has anyone got experience of Epilepsy and IVF?
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