Walk.

Today I was brave. Today I went for a walk, by myself.

Those with Epilepsy will know that this isn’t an easy thing to do. Going anywhere by yourself when your seizures aren’t controlled is hard. People worry if I’ll be safe. I know it’s because they love me but being in your mid-twenties and having to keep in constant contact with people is not the most of independent of lives. With that in mind I’m incredibly proud of myself for today. I took charge, went for it and I don’t regret it!

The beach was exactly what I needed. Just me somewhere other than my own house. Time away from the place that seems to hold all our problems. Of course the house doesn’t hold our problems it’s just the place that we sit and discuss everything, the place that everything sinks in. It was so nice to be out and it being just me, I was able to get lost in the moment. Everything seemed to melt away and all I had to worry about was making my way from one end of the beach to the other. Epilepsy, PCOS & dieting/exercising really hard to make our IVF dreams come true, it all just melted away. None of it mattered.

I want to remember this walk and these feelings. Not only did I feel happy, I felt free. I had taken control. Everything in my/our life at the moment feels so much the opposite. Epilepsy, PCOS, IVF decisions, moving house, not moving house, bank refusing loan application, it all seems so beyond our control. Today whilst walking along the beach I realised that wasn’t all true. It isn’t beyond our control we can do some things to help us with this stuff. Even if I can’t take control of the bigger things, I’ll always be able to go for my own little walk. Stare out at those waves & remember the bigger picture. Even with clouds the view is still pretty awe inspiring.

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Please do feel free to comment on here or tweet me @HopeEpiMum

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