As of today it is 5 weeks and 5 days until our appointment with our fertility consultant. The potentially life changing appointment. The IVF referral decision.
This appointment has been rescheduled three times so as you can imagine the wait is taking it’s toll even more for us. With each letter I received from the hospital I got more anxious as I realised we had to wait yet another week until our appointment. Each letter was another week being added to our wait. Until finally it stopped and settled on 20th March. I was relieved no more being messed about we had a solid date once again. Once I knew this was our definite date I wrote the appointment on our calendar. Upon doing so I couldn’t help but smile. The calendar already had something printed on that date. The 20th of March is the official first day of spring here in the UK. Spring is perceived as the season of new beginnings and in Paganism it is the time to celebrate the renewed life of the Earth that comes with it. I have always loved Spring, there is always such a sense of promise in the air to me. For our appointment about IVF referral, to be on the first day of spring is amazing to me. I don’t think I could have picked a better day. The first day of new beginnings.
The only thing that I am worried about is my weight. I haven’t lost as much as I needed to. I know I can’t lose the rest of what I needed to in 40 days. I can get close but I’m not sure that will be good enough. I have lost 2st (28lbs, 12/13kg) in 8 months which apparently isn’t that bad taking my PCOS, Epilepsy medication and fact I’ve had major hiccups along the way. My mum says I am far too harsh on myself, as I don’t see the positives (i.e. having lost 2st) all I see is that I haven’t lost as much as I needed to. I still have 2st 7lbs to lose (35lbs, 15/16kg). There is no way anyone could lose that in 40 days and if they did then it was not done healthily. I’m trying not to punish myself for what I see as a failure. I haven’t failed, I’ve done really well despite everything. I just need to do the best I can and hope that what I have lost serves as a show of my commitment and that we can still get referred onto an IVF clinic because of this. With that in mind I have decided that for the next 5 weeks and 5 days I will be doing the Slim.Fast 3-2-1 plan. 3 snacks under 100 calories, 2 meal replacement shakes and 1 meal that should be under 600 calories per day. It sounds a lot harder and stricter than it actually is. I’ve done it before and had great results. I wasn’t exercising at all then but I am now so I’m hoping I’ll get even better results. I’m not going to push myself to lose the rest of the weight, I just want to do my best and lose what I know I can.
I have blogged before about seeing signs, specifically about lately having seen an advert for an adoption agency a lot. I can’t help but feel our appointment being changed a lot and it finally settling on the first day of spring is another sign. A new beginning is coming to us on the 20th of March. It may be a step forward in terms of being able to start our IVF journey or it may be new beginning in terms of having to lose more weight and thus more time to try to conceive naturally.
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