Hi Anxiety.

A week. That is all. In just one week by our clinic’s standards we will have started our IVF journey. When I say this I mean we will be attending our Patient Information Evening. I really don’t know what to expect from this evening so I’m already a bit anxious. I blame my Anxiety Disorder it makes me worry and anxious way before I should be. That’s probably why I like research so much, so I know all I can know so in nagger anxious over all the “what ifs?” For me these “what ifs” include people. I am not very good at talking to strangers, or even friends. I get nervous easily, thinking that I’m not speaking enough or worry I’m boring people if I do speak. This makes even answering the door to the postman difficult on some days. When I go out for walks it takes me up to an hour to prep myself before I leave the house, I have social anxiety which combined with Epilepsy isn’t the easiest of existences! In fact I think my Epilepsy is yet another reason I have an Anxiety Disorder. Constantly worrying about having a seizure, letting people know where I am, relying on strangers to help. It’s hard and is why I always say to people that Epilepsy is so much more than seizures! Anyway I’ve digressed slightly.

One week today at 5:30pm we will be attending a Patient Information Evening at The Hewitt Fertility Centre. The start of our IVF journey. As I’ve said I’m getting a bit anxious. I don’t know exactly what they will be talking to us about, just that is mandatory and there will be other couples there. First of all eep, people I don’t know! I am 24, my husband is 26 and I feel like we are the youngest couple, I am aware of, going through this! Throw me in a room of couples who have no doubt been trying for longer than we have, have better credit reports and who not have careers and I will be nervously picking at my clothes not being able to make eye contact. I am also increasingly aware that I haven’t come across any other women going through fertility treatment who have Epilepsy too. Despite reaching out to many an Epilepsy charity on Twitter, Facebook and forums I’ve not heard of any. Websites are full of info/advice for women who are pregnant or who have children but I’ve found nothing for those who have Epilepsy and are struggling with infertility. I know no two couples ever have the same trying to conceive journey even if they have similar causes, but I’m beginning to feel I’m the only one with Epilepsy going through IVF, which makes me anxious and lonely! I guess I’m anxious about next week because I don’t want to again feel like I’m the only woman in this position. Everyone in this community is so lovely and supportive, I just wish I could speak to other people about medication, seizures etc. I’m definitely a minority in a minority!

What even is a Patient Information Evening? I’m pretty sure I know what IVF will involve thanks to all the books I’ve read and the Twitter ladies educating me, the newbie!

Blog soon.

Tweet me @HopeEpiMum if you want or don’t it is up to you!

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