Before I get fully into today’s blog I wanted to share something. Today I went on Facebook and saw something that really spoke to me. It was the following picture quote:

I share a lot on this blog because I am not ashamed of my life. The highs and lows. I write to let my feelings out so in that respect I write for me, but every time I share I also hope that it will help even just one person. I know what it feels like to feel alone and I don’t want anyone to feel like that when sharing what I go through could help. That probably sounds quite high and mighty, I don’t mean it to. We are still very much getting our heads around last week’s BFN but by acknowledging it and sharing how we’re feeling, it is helping us. We can grieve in a healthy way and make steps to move forwards.

I had a coffee date with a new friend today and she said something that stuck with me. We were talking about our IVF journeys and how we were feeling when T commented that I was quite a positive person. After making a joke about it taking years to get there, I realised that T was right. Now I’m not saying I don’t have down days, of course I do, everyone does! In fact I’d be worried if I wasn’t still feeling emotional just 5 days after finding out our little Shortcake is longer around! I’m just saying that we could view our BFN as the end of one step but I’m trying to view it as the start of a new chapter. To help with this I had a rather expensive salon trip this week. My husband convinced me to go ahead with the pampering so a cut and complete colour change (turquoise if you must know) I had! New hair for a new chapter! We are also moving into our new home this weekend which I am excited about. New home means we can literally leave behind the negative and hard times. Of course it wouldn’t be a fertility blog if I didn’t mention that my body is also in the middle of replacing my womb lining meaning a new womb ready for new chapter too! We have our follow up consultation on Friday 28th August at 10:00am so by then our strength will be fully restored and we can get together a plan for what is next.

Amongst my ongoing battle to stay positive I am still having thoughts about my Epilepsy and IVF. It hasn’t helped that over the past few days I have had that horrible distant feeling from my body. The feeling I get when I’m coming around from a Tonic Clonic seizure. Like my soul and mind are balloons that I am struggling to grab the ribbon they are attached to before they float away. I have noticed that if I have a little cry or voice my sad feelings aloud this feeling seems to disappear. I think this is due to one of my seizure triggers, stress. IVF is a stressful thing and test day brings so many emotions. My brain is struggling with that not just emotionally but physically. It is getting confused, mixing up it’s messages which is never good news when you have Epilepsy! This being said I’m taking each day as it comes. Life is full of highs and lows mine are just a little different!

For everyone reading this, whatever you are going through just know that you have the strength to get through whatever life is throwing your way!

Blog/Tweet soon x

As always please do comment on here or tweet me @HopeEpiMum


One thought on “Strength.

  1. Rebecca says:

    So good to read this post- we are in a similar position now but we are also trying to be positive about our loss. Two weeks ago we got a BFP from our first ICSI cycle, we were so happy and had already started to talk about when “it” arrived. But then, I had a tiny amount of bleeding and I started to lose all my pregnancy feelings and after a trip to my GP who could tell how concerned I was she arranged for blood tests to measure my HCG- it was falling rapidly and today I’ve had confirmed a “missed miscarriage”. So sad, so difficult to see our way forward but talking about DOES help. Whilst we don’t want or feel we need to speak to a counsellor it would be good to speak to other people in the same situation. Stay positive eh?! Rebecca x

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