Making My Own Luck.

So yesterday I blogged about being the luckiest unlucky person in the world. It lead to a big conversation with my husband about what I wanted from life and how at the moment I felt I was simply existing not living. I have some craft projects to do for my friend’s wedding next year,which are great distractions but I’m not actually able to start them yet as I’m waiting on supplies. I felt myself admitting that with what happened recently regarding me working I wasn’t sure of my path. We’re these signs that in fact working isn’t the path for me? Every job I’ve had hasn’t ended well. Not badly, just not great thanks to my uncontrollable degenerative Epilepsy. Maybe I’m just not meant to work? Society as a whole makes those who aren’t able to work feel eternally bad for this, like we aren’t fulfilling a purpose. We are bombarded of images telling us how we should look, feel and behave. Be skinny and work so you can buy all this stuff. That’s what is expected of us. Not working can be lonely. The majority of people do work so you don’t get to see anyone and even if you do money is often a problem.I admit I wanted that job because I feel like it would have given me more purpose and I wanted to go on a belated honeymoon. Without me working there is no way we will ever be able to go on holiday. No groupon late deals for us, we’re comfortable but not that much!

Then it twigged in my head. I wanted purpose. Continue reading

The Luckiest Unlucky Person.

This has long been a running joke in my family. They say I am the world’s luckiest unlucky person. I often win competitions I forget I’ve even entered. These prizes have ranged from a new TV to tickets to local events to most recently a Zita West fertility vitamin starter pack. I never seem to win completions that I really want to win, such as holiday ones. Still I am consistently lucky and my mum has taken to asking if I’ve won any compeitions ecah week. I however also suffer the worst luck in that worst case scenarios often are the only scenarios I experience. Nothing is straight forward or easy in my life. In that sense I am consistently unlucky. Continue reading

Diet Realisations & Decisions.

I have had a lot to think about this past week. Last Friday I had an appointment with my GP. I went to get my prescription for my fat binding medication renewed. After being weighed my doctor input the numbers onto my records at which point I asked if there was any other help I could get. I’ve been with the same GP since I was 10 years old so she knows first hand how many NHS “healthy eating” programmes I’ve been through, how much I’ve dieted on my own and how I’m constantly losing the same 2-3st no matter how well I eat when not dieting. After asking the question my doctor looked at me for about a second before she said I could have weight loss surgery. Continue reading

Post.

I’ve been struggling the past few days. I’ve voiced this partially on Twitter but then followed this up with tweets telling myself not to wallow. I’ve not actually voiced how much I am struggling. I just can’t seem to be able to gather my thoughts enough to tell anyone exactly what I’m struggling with. Until now, I’m making a conscious effort to write it all out. Think my body and mind are getting tired of “running just to stand still”. Continue reading