Last night I had my first Prolonged Absence seizure in around 7 months. A Prolonged Absence seizure is very different to a typical form of absence. A Prolonged Absence is also known as an Atypical Absence. They last much longer, minutes to hours compared to a few seconds of a typical absence. My husband describes me as being a 6ft tall toddler during a Prolonged Absence. I become confused, lost, clumsy and uncommunicative. Last night was apparently a new level. I don’t really remember any of yesterday but luckily I made notes on my phone so I can write this post. Even so I don’t want to detail too much about the actual seizure. All I will say is that after getting a barefoot me in from a windy and cold garden, I cried and screamed so much that once I was ok my husband thought it wise to knock on our neighbors doors to explain the situation. As you can imagine that would have been a fun conversation to have! I don’t notice Absence seizures as they are so short and to an outsider mostly just look like I’m day dreaming or even just not listening. Prolonged Absence seizures are a whole new kettle of fish. I’ve been known to make expensive purchases (£100 on a limited edition Disney doll) whilst “under the influence” as well not remembering my own name. Honestly, Prolonged Absence seizures are scarier to me than Tonic Clonic seizures. Least with a Tonic Clonic seizure you convulse on th floor, wake up, get a headache and sleep for hours. That is it, seizure done. With a Prolonged Absence it’s not that simple. There is no definite end.
This seizure has affected me more than I would like. I’ve been feeling extra positive lately and this has knocked me a bit. I’m scared that certain people are right. That I shouldn’t be a parent. If I lose days, scream so loudly it sounds like something untowards is happening in our house and can’t remember that my house is my house, how will I bring a child into this world? Will I still be a good parent in spite of my Epilepsy? Am I doing the right thing doing this FET cycle? Are the IVF drugs finally catching up with me? All these little doubts and niggles are creeping in amongst my wave of positivity. I know I’ll be fine in a few days time. It’s just really hard resetting the seizure clock.
Blog/Tweet soon @HopeEpiMum x