Well here we are again, the day that so many of us in the trying to conceive community dread. Otherwise known as Mothering Sunday aka Mother’s Day. I am feeling emotional but for different reasons than in previous years!
Last year (and the two previous) like so many other women struggling to have that much wanted baby, I wished that this would be the year I would either be pregnant or be holding my baby in my arms. My wish came true. I am currently 14weeks pregnant and this is my last Mother’s Day without a child to hug. It’s emotional. I thought that being pregnant would make this day easier and things would be different but the reality is the scars of our trying to conceive journey run deep. I spent most of the day feeling as though I still wasn’t part of the mum club. I am pregnant but not a mum yet, I was told that I was a mum-to-be, but carrying my child didn’t cut it. Despite fighting so hard to be here I don’t feel like I fully belong in either camp ie the trying to conceive camp or the mum camp. I cried this morning because I never fully believed when I made that wish last year, it would come true, after all it hadn’t the previous two years! I’m carrying my child to me that makes me a mum, from the moment embryo Boba was transferred I became a mum! So why can’t I enjoy this day? There is no doubt in my mind I will always find today somewhat hard. After all that we have been through I will forever be grateful for our Boba, but it doesn’t mean I will forget how it feels to not be able to celebrate Mother’s Day. As I said before the infertility scars run deep.
I’ll finish this blog with the post I shared on my Facebook today. Take care today ladies, I’ll forever have your back!
Blog/Tweet soon @HopeEpiMum xx